A few months ago two of my friends and I sat outside a local boba shop talking through a vision of helping others change. I heard of my friend's group that he lead at his church for people who had goals to accomplish and just needed others around them that would support and challenge them. He developed an intentional and successful program for people to follow. From that group people got promotions, lost weight, went back to school, and more! To this day I have friends who where in that group that talk about how much long-term impact the program had on their lives.
In the conversation with my friends outside the boba shop, I learned that the one who started this group also earned his life coaching certificate. I was able to hear his heart and passion for motivating people to make pivotal transformations in their lives that they both deeply desired and yet believed impossible or unlikely at best. His strategy was honest, realistic, and nonthreatening. His passion was so contagious it fueled my passion to see change in others also. I was right there with him. I was on the edge of my seat with excitement over every thought, perspective, and idea. He spoke to my heart for the city and my heart for allowing others to see beyond their obstacles. There was a genuine joy and delight in his eyes from the vision of being a part of a life transformed. I was ready, right then and there, to jump on board with this vision!
But then there would be moments where I would pause in being engaged and began thinking about what areas in my life needed change. Where was I having a hard time moving beyond the "I cant's" or "it's just too hard?" Where could I use support and encouragement to step into a new way of living...a better way of living? I realized, as passionate as I was about seeing others achieve their goals, I needed to be that passionate and even more so on seeking change in my own life! It was in that conversation that I even started to think about seriously inviting someone who I knew would take me seriously and my struggle towards good health. I have people at home who are at that level, but they are back home. Those around me are great, but I really needed someone to be on me about taking steps forward and encouraging me to not give up when I took a step or four backwards. It was just a thought at the time, but it was then that I knew I would one day ask my friend for his help in this painful and discouraging journey of my physical health in hopes to find victory, better health, and a more balanced rhythm of life.
It wasn't until a couple of months later when I finally took that step of inviting him to walk alongside me in seeking better and consistent health. If you read my previous post, the very last paragraph spoke to a night where I had intense shooting pains run from my back to my hips to my knee. All I wanted to do was sleep, cry, or something! That was my tipping point. That was the moment that I knew I couldn't live like this forever! I had to see if there was anything I could do to help relieve this pain. Again, I have peace with the possibility that God may not take away all my pain, but I also am confident that God has given me this body to take care of while walking in it. So in absolute and utter desperation, I texted my friend. I said something very simple like, "I have goals. You know how to achieve them. Please help me, amigo!" As you would expect from a good friend, he simply asked me a couple of questions and then agreed to meet.
Before we would meet he wanted me to do some pre-work. This was partly for him to see where I was at on a few things, but it was mainly for me to process what I wanted, needed, and why. I sent that back to him fairly quickly as I was eager to start...perhaps it was flashbacks of the stabbing pains the night before. We met just a couple of days later, and that is where the momentum of change truly began!
I told him I had three goals:
1. Have more consistent health (be able to work out regularly and have less to no pain)
2. Increase finances (in order to seek better health, I needed to make space for things I wasn't used to purchasing.
3. Have more balance (stress, busyness, etc plays a role into my health and sleep. There are places of basic organization, layin low, etc that I could do to help better my physical health).
Skipping for a minute to number 2. I asked my roommate who is a finance wiz to help me figure some things out balancing finances. She and I met just the day before my friend and I to discuss what my new budget would look like. We came up with a plan, and we are going to meet weekly for accountability to this new and very tight budget! For now, my other friend and I did not discuss this or number 3.
So my friend and I sat outside a delightful little Korean church's coffee shop and began digging into what would be my very own steps in life transformation! We agreed to a timeline of three weeks to start. We will go from there when the time comes. For now, these three weeks are designed to train my body, mind, and heart towards better health! I hope that throughout this time you receive encouragement and strength to reach out for help from those around you to challenge you in areas you need change and renewal.
For this entry I'll leave you with an awakening thought during my drive home. I was visiting some friends this evening and on the way home I decided I would try to hit the health food store. I thought it closed early, but when I checked online it said I still had an hour. I actually tried two stores, but at both the security guard sent me the other direction. Initially I was disappointed and didn't see the point of why I had even tried. Then on the way home I was in dead stop traffic. I checked my phone to see what was ahead. Based on my traffic app, it appears that there was an accident at the exact time I was most likely going to drive in that location. When I approached the cars, they looked utterly tragic! Naturally, this had me thinking about how you never know what the next moment holds. But then an even deeper and new perspective came to mind. Here I was disappointed and not seeing a point of running those failed errands. Had I decided to give up on the idea of the errands and go straight home I may have been in a potentially devastating accident! That's like this journey. I won't always see the benefits right away, and I will most likely have moments of feeling like "what's the point," but at the end of the day I'm making these small decisions to take routes that lead me away from destruction and ultimately death. So all that to say, making those small pivotal changes now could result in an extended and more full life in the long-run. The shortcuts and expected way to do things, may actually be the thing that destroys us.
So what's it gonna be? A shortcut now that gets you to where you're going now (with the risk of a major destruction and potential death) or a route of chances where you may have to try more than once to get it right (which may also bring you the kind of full life and longevity you long for)?
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Monday, October 6, 2014
Change starts TODAY!
There are only so many up's and down's in life you can go through before you get sick of the roller coaster and desperately want to step off. I will say, my tolerance is pretty high, so I stayed on that ride for far longer than some may have chosen! The reality is, I like my life. I like eating what I want, making my schedule whatever fits my desires, and not having to tell myself no! I mean really, at the end of the day, under all the excuses is my own selfishness. It's a funny kind of selfishness though. It's not the kind of selfishness that says, "I'm the most important person in my life," but rather "immediate gratification is more important to me than my deeper long-term needs." It's as though through our choices, we are holding ourselves as prisoners for our own selfish gain. How wrong is that?
For a lot of people, the selfishness that keeps them from getting motivated is entangled with brokenness, a history of defeat, and a long list of "why I can'ts." For me, I just haven't wanted to give up what I love enough to truly make the life-long changes that equate to sacrificing my own desires. That's what's kept me from diving in fully beyond a couple month commitment...that combined with a sincere and true inability to consistently workout, find balance on my own, and stay motivated. ...each of which have their own set of stumbling blocks.
So that brought up various questions for myself that now I also propose to you. What do you desire more than living life as your full self? Why isn't living as your full self for the long-haul more important than the freedom to do, eat, and enjoy what you want immediately? Once we realize we are worth the sacrifice, how do we take charge of our lives knowing there are real and genuine hurdles to overcome in order to be and feel our fullest? Where do we even get started?
Once I finally realized that my life was worth living to the fullest, and my choices of immediate gratification were only sending me onto that never-ending roller coaster of pain, I was finally able to step into a journey of revolutionary change where I could, at the very least, explore a potential life without pain. It's a life I haven't known for over ten years or more and one I'm eager to discover! I realize I may not have complete control over the pain I feel as God may still have purpose in my pain, but I trust that the pain that does leave my body (all or some) will leave me at a multi-road crossroads unlike any I've seen before. As I walk with the Lord in this journey, I lay my hope for healing at His feet where I imagine to be at the starting line of opportunities. Once I finally imagined a life of health and possibilities, I lost a the greater desire for choices that would immediately gratify and instead gained a drive and desire for the rewards unseen. I realized, you don't just get up and run a marathon. To have that kind of stamina and strength it takes a lot of training, discipline, and intentionality. That's what this journey towards good health will be for me. I have to retrain my mind, body, and heart to function in ways it's not used to in order to have long-term sustainability and victory!
Once I came to this pivotal point in my journey, I had to then ask myself another tough question. Do I believe I am capable of making these choices and changes? Am I ready to make these changes? Do I really believe there is hope in a better way of living? Once I realized that the answer to all of these questions was yes, I had to then ask myself, what is standing in my way? The harsh reality and answer remained, ME! The most heartbreaking part of this was that I genuinely desired to feel better, I was ready to change, I knew there was no other choice for me than to make some radical changes if I sincerely desired better health and a life without pain, and still with all of that, I also knew I could never make any of those changes on my own. I'd been in similar places before, but this time it was different. This time I knew exactly what I wanted and felt stuck in moving even one foundational step forward. I knew I needed help if I was ever going to make this kind of overhaul in my life towards greater health.
So finally one night, after a long week of pain, I was laying in my bed trying to get the restorative sleep that is essential to my health. I couldn't fall asleep though, because even after four pain meds, I was feeling stabbing and shooting pains from my hip down to my knee that rooted from issues I'd been having in my mid-back earlier that week. It stretched from my quad to my hamstring, and the pain was relentless. This was my turning point. I went from dreaming of a life without pain to going after it, but my first step had to be reaching out for help as I knew there was no way I would have longevity in change without a team to spur me on. So in pain, desperate for a new day, I texted a friend who I knew would challenge and encourage me towards this life I felt I could only imagine. Change was finally on it's way!
For a lot of people, the selfishness that keeps them from getting motivated is entangled with brokenness, a history of defeat, and a long list of "why I can'ts." For me, I just haven't wanted to give up what I love enough to truly make the life-long changes that equate to sacrificing my own desires. That's what's kept me from diving in fully beyond a couple month commitment...that combined with a sincere and true inability to consistently workout, find balance on my own, and stay motivated. ...each of which have their own set of stumbling blocks.
So that brought up various questions for myself that now I also propose to you. What do you desire more than living life as your full self? Why isn't living as your full self for the long-haul more important than the freedom to do, eat, and enjoy what you want immediately? Once we realize we are worth the sacrifice, how do we take charge of our lives knowing there are real and genuine hurdles to overcome in order to be and feel our fullest? Where do we even get started?
Once I finally realized that my life was worth living to the fullest, and my choices of immediate gratification were only sending me onto that never-ending roller coaster of pain, I was finally able to step into a journey of revolutionary change where I could, at the very least, explore a potential life without pain. It's a life I haven't known for over ten years or more and one I'm eager to discover! I realize I may not have complete control over the pain I feel as God may still have purpose in my pain, but I trust that the pain that does leave my body (all or some) will leave me at a multi-road crossroads unlike any I've seen before. As I walk with the Lord in this journey, I lay my hope for healing at His feet where I imagine to be at the starting line of opportunities. Once I finally imagined a life of health and possibilities, I lost a the greater desire for choices that would immediately gratify and instead gained a drive and desire for the rewards unseen. I realized, you don't just get up and run a marathon. To have that kind of stamina and strength it takes a lot of training, discipline, and intentionality. That's what this journey towards good health will be for me. I have to retrain my mind, body, and heart to function in ways it's not used to in order to have long-term sustainability and victory!
Once I came to this pivotal point in my journey, I had to then ask myself another tough question. Do I believe I am capable of making these choices and changes? Am I ready to make these changes? Do I really believe there is hope in a better way of living? Once I realized that the answer to all of these questions was yes, I had to then ask myself, what is standing in my way? The harsh reality and answer remained, ME! The most heartbreaking part of this was that I genuinely desired to feel better, I was ready to change, I knew there was no other choice for me than to make some radical changes if I sincerely desired better health and a life without pain, and still with all of that, I also knew I could never make any of those changes on my own. I'd been in similar places before, but this time it was different. This time I knew exactly what I wanted and felt stuck in moving even one foundational step forward. I knew I needed help if I was ever going to make this kind of overhaul in my life towards greater health.
So finally one night, after a long week of pain, I was laying in my bed trying to get the restorative sleep that is essential to my health. I couldn't fall asleep though, because even after four pain meds, I was feeling stabbing and shooting pains from my hip down to my knee that rooted from issues I'd been having in my mid-back earlier that week. It stretched from my quad to my hamstring, and the pain was relentless. This was my turning point. I went from dreaming of a life without pain to going after it, but my first step had to be reaching out for help as I knew there was no way I would have longevity in change without a team to spur me on. So in pain, desperate for a new day, I texted a friend who I knew would challenge and encourage me towards this life I felt I could only imagine. Change was finally on it's way!
Friday, October 3, 2014
The back story...
Four brief moments ago, and by that I mean four years ago, I moved to LA...CRAZY! I can't believe I've been here for that long already. Despite missing the Midwest fall and spring (which my LA friends hear aaaaalll about from me), I really do feel like this has become home! I remember the days I didn't think I would leave small town Green Bay, but look at me now...livin the dream in La La Land (and by dream, of course I mean being a full-time missionary in South LA)!
Before I left I was determined to start a blog, but then I absolutely failed to do so. I posted twice regarding life in LA and then went about my merry way without having blogged to the world (or the 15 that stumbled upon my blog somehow). I figure, it's mostly because I didn't have stories of purpose to share with all of you. I felt a little aimless in "what to write next," and so my drive to write depleted significantly. Well friends, that purpose has arrived! Brace yourselves, cuz this will be a journey for both of us!
Anyone who knows me for any length of time knows that I suffer from a lot of physical pain. When I was in college I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which is the diagnosis they give you when you've done every other chronic pain test in the book without solid results. I've never been settled with that diagnosis, simply because that didn't seem like a very conclusive reason to slap on the label "FMS." Nevertheless, the diagnosis helped me understand, among the thousands of others, that my pain was real (which isn't always believed to be true) and that my symptoms were characteristic of what others also express.
For me the diagnosis came about four years after I started noticing problems. I started having a lot more hip pain, inflammation, and exhaustion. I also was inconsistently lactose intolerant. Sometimes I would have problems with any of the previously listed symptoms, and other times I would be just fine. Those symptoms began when I was a freshman at my Christian college in MN. Throughout the years the symptoms worsened, and it was my senior year that things changed drastically for me. I started experiencing crawling skin (feels like little bugs crawling all over under your skin), increased inflammation in my joints, and all over pain in my body. I had more throbbing pains, stabbing pains, shooting pains, and just a lot of general PAIN! .
So, I finally came to a point where I was fully aware that a doctor was becoming necessary! I went back home to Green Bay and saw my physician. He did some basic tests and blood work. Everything came back normal except he said there was evidence of inflammation in my blood, and that was it. He then tested my tender points (there are 18 on the body). When he pressed on two of mine, my fist tightened and I PUNCHED THE DOCTOR! ...Okay, that's a lie, but I seriously almost punched the doctor out of self-defense. It was then I got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.
In college I tried some health changes, but nothing seemed to make a significant difference...but let's be honest, I was probably not as strict or educated about diet changes as I am nearly ten years later. After graduation I saw my doctor in MN who prescribed a muscle relaxer, pain pill, sleep pill (with the pain, I don't sleep well), and birth control (to reduce pain during hormonal changes). None of them worked...at all! So I decided that taking medications that don't prove to bring better health was not something that I wanted to do. Since then, I have been just living with the up's and down's of the pain, inflammation, and exhaustion while taking anti-inflammatory pain meds as needed. I was re-tested for several chronic pain diagnosis, but again, nothing came about. Again, I was just left to live my life with the pain and have joy despite it.
An IMPORTANT STORY that must be shared and acknowledged is one of when I came to visit Los Angeles for the first time. I flew out here to see what God might have in store for me and if being a missionary here was a part of his plans for my life. When I came out I had a meeting with the director at the time. After hearing my journey up until that point, he prayed for physical healing over me. I have never experienced physical healing for myself prior to that, but I figured, it doesn't hurt to ask God! So we prayed in agreement asking the Lord to bring healing. The craziest thing did happen! My legs felt like jello, I became super hot (in temperature, I know my friends back home have jokes right now), and I knew that something was happening over my body. Sure enough! All the pain that was in my legs went away! Sure, it wasn't a full body healing, but God relieved my pain that day in ways that I have never been the same! I used to not be able to stand up straight every single morning. When I returned home and still after I moved out to LA, I have never had that type or level of morning stiffness! So give glory and honor to where glory and honor is deserved. I praise God for that not often enough! He is Healer! Some may ask, "why didn't he finish the job" but I trust that He has had greater purpose in having not healed me fully, and I am just grateful for the ways he did bring healing!
Now onto LA...After moving to LA my health got better overall. I attribute that mostly to the sun being out 99.9% of the time, temps that never get below 40, and very little barometric pressure changes from weather like snow or rain. With that said, I still struggle with inflammation, pain, muscle tears, and the whole deal. I saw a chiropractor focused on natural health, and he gave me some good tips, but I wasn't ready to take them on fully and it wasn't as fully explained as it would have been good to hear. Since then I have had lots of ups and downs in my health and have grown in exhaustion over lack of good health.
I did a 30-day liquid fast for spiritual reasons about a year ago, and I actually felt the best I ever had. I assume that was because my body was being rid of any toxins and who knows what in my body. Then, after being sick of the pain, I tested the seven main food allergens most people face today (soy, dairy, gluten, peanuts, eggs, sugar, and corn). The only one that showed a SIGNIFICANT result was eggs! This still is incredibly sad to my life! I LOVE eggs, and eggs are indeed good for you! They are quick to make, great fillers for dishes, and are just simply wonderful! ...sigh...moment of silence... .. ... .. ... Okay, so I gave up eggs! I haven't yet been bold enough to give them up in things like baked goods or random things you don't realize they are in. I have however cut fried eggs out entirely. Although this is incredibly sad to my heart, this just had to happen! The pain was seriously unbearable!
Having skipped several details here and there over this journey, we are now up to date! Since having done the food testing, I went back to eating the way I had in the past. I don't eat terrible really. I have everything in moderation (even my addiction...sugary coffee drinks). I raaaarely overindulge on any foods (except those staff potlucks...fo real...soooo good!). I try to play volleyball twice a week when I'm feeling healthy. Also, I can look at sugary candy for years, literally, and not be tempted (baked goods, however, are another story). So what's the problem? I cut out foods that clearly cause me problems (eggs...the only one of all 7 that caused pain). I already limit peanuts, soy, dairy, and gluten. I try and deal with outside circumstances like stress, over-involvement, etc. I am moderately taking care of myself so now what? What's a gal gotta do to feel good around here???
Finally getting to a place of absolute frustration over my health and pain, I decided to take control of my pain instead of it taking control of me! I'm sick and tired of being a young woman (now 31) who is motivated and full of life but bogged down by some stupid pain...you heard me...stupid pain! I trust that God will do his part, but I believe that He has also called me to do mine. This body was given to me by God to take care of and to use as a vessel to do His will. He gave it to me as a blessing, so it's my responsibility to take care of that blessing. I may never get rid of the fullness of my pain, but I can at least manage a part of it by taking care of myself more holistically. Between God's power and His delegation to me, I trust that a year from now, I will be writin' and singin' you a different tune!
So this blog, these stories, this documentation, is to share with you my journey. I hope and pray that there is relief so that God is glorified, you are encouraged, and I am kept accountable for these changes. Ready? Set? Leeeez GO!
Before I left I was determined to start a blog, but then I absolutely failed to do so. I posted twice regarding life in LA and then went about my merry way without having blogged to the world (or the 15 that stumbled upon my blog somehow). I figure, it's mostly because I didn't have stories of purpose to share with all of you. I felt a little aimless in "what to write next," and so my drive to write depleted significantly. Well friends, that purpose has arrived! Brace yourselves, cuz this will be a journey for both of us!
Anyone who knows me for any length of time knows that I suffer from a lot of physical pain. When I was in college I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which is the diagnosis they give you when you've done every other chronic pain test in the book without solid results. I've never been settled with that diagnosis, simply because that didn't seem like a very conclusive reason to slap on the label "FMS." Nevertheless, the diagnosis helped me understand, among the thousands of others, that my pain was real (which isn't always believed to be true) and that my symptoms were characteristic of what others also express.
For me the diagnosis came about four years after I started noticing problems. I started having a lot more hip pain, inflammation, and exhaustion. I also was inconsistently lactose intolerant. Sometimes I would have problems with any of the previously listed symptoms, and other times I would be just fine. Those symptoms began when I was a freshman at my Christian college in MN. Throughout the years the symptoms worsened, and it was my senior year that things changed drastically for me. I started experiencing crawling skin (feels like little bugs crawling all over under your skin), increased inflammation in my joints, and all over pain in my body. I had more throbbing pains, stabbing pains, shooting pains, and just a lot of general PAIN! .
So, I finally came to a point where I was fully aware that a doctor was becoming necessary! I went back home to Green Bay and saw my physician. He did some basic tests and blood work. Everything came back normal except he said there was evidence of inflammation in my blood, and that was it. He then tested my tender points (there are 18 on the body). When he pressed on two of mine, my fist tightened and I PUNCHED THE DOCTOR! ...Okay, that's a lie, but I seriously almost punched the doctor out of self-defense. It was then I got the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.
In college I tried some health changes, but nothing seemed to make a significant difference...but let's be honest, I was probably not as strict or educated about diet changes as I am nearly ten years later. After graduation I saw my doctor in MN who prescribed a muscle relaxer, pain pill, sleep pill (with the pain, I don't sleep well), and birth control (to reduce pain during hormonal changes). None of them worked...at all! So I decided that taking medications that don't prove to bring better health was not something that I wanted to do. Since then, I have been just living with the up's and down's of the pain, inflammation, and exhaustion while taking anti-inflammatory pain meds as needed. I was re-tested for several chronic pain diagnosis, but again, nothing came about. Again, I was just left to live my life with the pain and have joy despite it.
An IMPORTANT STORY that must be shared and acknowledged is one of when I came to visit Los Angeles for the first time. I flew out here to see what God might have in store for me and if being a missionary here was a part of his plans for my life. When I came out I had a meeting with the director at the time. After hearing my journey up until that point, he prayed for physical healing over me. I have never experienced physical healing for myself prior to that, but I figured, it doesn't hurt to ask God! So we prayed in agreement asking the Lord to bring healing. The craziest thing did happen! My legs felt like jello, I became super hot (in temperature, I know my friends back home have jokes right now), and I knew that something was happening over my body. Sure enough! All the pain that was in my legs went away! Sure, it wasn't a full body healing, but God relieved my pain that day in ways that I have never been the same! I used to not be able to stand up straight every single morning. When I returned home and still after I moved out to LA, I have never had that type or level of morning stiffness! So give glory and honor to where glory and honor is deserved. I praise God for that not often enough! He is Healer! Some may ask, "why didn't he finish the job" but I trust that He has had greater purpose in having not healed me fully, and I am just grateful for the ways he did bring healing!
Now onto LA...After moving to LA my health got better overall. I attribute that mostly to the sun being out 99.9% of the time, temps that never get below 40, and very little barometric pressure changes from weather like snow or rain. With that said, I still struggle with inflammation, pain, muscle tears, and the whole deal. I saw a chiropractor focused on natural health, and he gave me some good tips, but I wasn't ready to take them on fully and it wasn't as fully explained as it would have been good to hear. Since then I have had lots of ups and downs in my health and have grown in exhaustion over lack of good health.
I did a 30-day liquid fast for spiritual reasons about a year ago, and I actually felt the best I ever had. I assume that was because my body was being rid of any toxins and who knows what in my body. Then, after being sick of the pain, I tested the seven main food allergens most people face today (soy, dairy, gluten, peanuts, eggs, sugar, and corn). The only one that showed a SIGNIFICANT result was eggs! This still is incredibly sad to my life! I LOVE eggs, and eggs are indeed good for you! They are quick to make, great fillers for dishes, and are just simply wonderful! ...sigh...moment of silence... .. ... .. ... Okay, so I gave up eggs! I haven't yet been bold enough to give them up in things like baked goods or random things you don't realize they are in. I have however cut fried eggs out entirely. Although this is incredibly sad to my heart, this just had to happen! The pain was seriously unbearable!
Having skipped several details here and there over this journey, we are now up to date! Since having done the food testing, I went back to eating the way I had in the past. I don't eat terrible really. I have everything in moderation (even my addiction...sugary coffee drinks). I raaaarely overindulge on any foods (except those staff potlucks...fo real...soooo good!). I try to play volleyball twice a week when I'm feeling healthy. Also, I can look at sugary candy for years, literally, and not be tempted (baked goods, however, are another story). So what's the problem? I cut out foods that clearly cause me problems (eggs...the only one of all 7 that caused pain). I already limit peanuts, soy, dairy, and gluten. I try and deal with outside circumstances like stress, over-involvement, etc. I am moderately taking care of myself so now what? What's a gal gotta do to feel good around here???
Finally getting to a place of absolute frustration over my health and pain, I decided to take control of my pain instead of it taking control of me! I'm sick and tired of being a young woman (now 31) who is motivated and full of life but bogged down by some stupid pain...you heard me...stupid pain! I trust that God will do his part, but I believe that He has also called me to do mine. This body was given to me by God to take care of and to use as a vessel to do His will. He gave it to me as a blessing, so it's my responsibility to take care of that blessing. I may never get rid of the fullness of my pain, but I can at least manage a part of it by taking care of myself more holistically. Between God's power and His delegation to me, I trust that a year from now, I will be writin' and singin' you a different tune!
So this blog, these stories, this documentation, is to share with you my journey. I hope and pray that there is relief so that God is glorified, you are encouraged, and I am kept accountable for these changes. Ready? Set? Leeeez GO!
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